Moan for me like Helen Keller
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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