dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
