so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
