my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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