I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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