you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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