When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
