chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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