I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
