so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
