no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
