Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
