this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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