Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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