You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
