so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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