just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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