True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
