I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
