you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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