They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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