Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
