Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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