I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
