Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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