The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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