I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
