her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
