So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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