people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
