8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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