Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
