It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
