I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
