before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
