dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
