Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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