Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's shark week go big or go home
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