i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
