As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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