I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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