Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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