I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
