these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
