areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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