if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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