Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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