Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
