Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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