You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
