There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
