I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
