did you get engaged???
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
