mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
