You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
