OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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