I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
its liver damage thursday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
