There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
