from now on my penis is your penis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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