I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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