I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
