You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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