I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
please don't ironically join a cult
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