if you like me you must not know who I am
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
