Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
