Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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