can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
