what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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