Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
