What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
