11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
