I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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