After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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