she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
