Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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