I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
