Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
