Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
